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KiwiPete
Tommy Thayer's coffee taster
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| Posted: May, 03, 2009 pm:UTC Sun, 03 May 2009 12:44:21 +0000 Post subject: IKG.... your job just got a lot easier |
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Apparatus for facilitating the birth of a child by centrifugal force
The late George and Charlotte Blonsky (New York City and San Jose, California) invented a device (US Patent #3,216,423) to aid women in giving birth -- the woman is strapped onto a circular table, and the table is then rotated at high speed.
Brilliant. Strap the woman in, spin her 'round 'til she throws up, and let physics spit the baby out
In their patent application, Blonsky and Blonsky explained the need: "In the case of a woman who has a fully developed muscular system and has had ample physical exertion all through the pregnancy, as is common with all more primitive peoples, nature provides all the necessary equipment and power to have a normal and quick delivery. This is not the case, however, with more civilised women, who often do not have the opportunity to develop the muscles needed in confinement."
Therefore, wrote Blonsky and Blonsky, they would provide "an apparatus which will assist the under-equipped woman by creating a gentle, evenly distributed, properly directed, precision-controlled force, that acts in unison with and supplements her own efforts". The Blonskys explained: "The foetus needs the application of considerable propelling force." They knew how to supply that propelling force.
The rest of their patent - eight very detailed pages altogether - specifies exactly how to do it. The design includes some 125 basic components, including bolts, brakes, wing nuts, a massive concrete floor slab, a vari-speed vertical gear motor, a speed reducer, more wing nuts, sheaves, stretchers, shafts, thigh members, a butt plate, aluminium ballast water boxes, more wing nuts, pillow clamps, a girdle member, and some additional wing nuts
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Cast No Shadow
Fuck You Mike Love
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| Posted: May, 04, 2009 pm:UTC Mon, 04 May 2009 15:31:43 +0000 Post subject: |
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What, no "baby roller" that rolls down the abdomen with brute force???
"Guaranteed to expel the child.*
*May cause death"
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KiwiPete
Tommy Thayer's coffee taster
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Joined: 03 Feb 2007
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Location: Kiwiland
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| Posted: May, 04, 2009 pm:UTC Mon, 04 May 2009 15:33:14 +0000 Post subject: |
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No, the spinning thing is a great time/money saver, cause it shoots the kid straight from the womb to the welfare office across the road.
But you have to get the timing just right.
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Cast No Shadow
Fuck You Mike Love
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Location: All up in your grill
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| Posted: May, 04, 2009 pm:UTC Mon, 04 May 2009 15:36:45 +0000 Post subject: |
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So is THAT why that carnival ride where it's a big wheel that spins around with people standing against its walls so popular every year in Oakland, CA?
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KiwiPete
Tommy Thayer's coffee taster
User is Offline
Joined: 03 Feb 2007
Posts: 2951
Karma: 18
applaud / smite
Location: Kiwiland
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| Posted: May, 04, 2009 pm:UTC Mon, 04 May 2009 15:42:01 +0000 Post subject: |
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Hey..... I'm from Oakland, CA. 
Whenever I have to phone Head Office in Colarado, and say I'm from Auckland...
"Oakland, California?"
NOOOOOO Auckland, you stupid Yank. You know.. the world beyond your coastline?
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